Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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