Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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