Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
