Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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