When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
