Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
