Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
