i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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