if only i could text you this smell
my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm at about main and main street
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
