just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize