after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
