First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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