Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
