she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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