Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
