is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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