Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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