I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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