Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's just like the Real World with babies
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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