i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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