i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
