do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
