Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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