I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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