remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize