I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my nose is crying tears of wow.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
