i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
