The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize