Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
