I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
