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Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
