I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
