Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
