you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would fuck him just for his dog
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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