someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
