dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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