you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
