Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
