so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
