This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
