so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
