i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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