i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
