you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
