she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
