Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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