Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
