around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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