I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize