My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
