his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
