shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
