dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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