is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
