who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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