You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
