sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
