hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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