the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
