I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
