The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize