Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
