he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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