how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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