: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
