you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
