this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
