I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
